sometimes i feel like you're both right, the two of you who replied. We've lost touch, you know who you are, and i dont know you, the second one. you both make valid points. but i cant leave her, i almost did today.

                i would have been so easy

shes sittin on her ass, watching her damned t.v. shows and complaining about how she cant get a car or a place to live and she says shes happy because her mom isnt in the picture anymore but dammit, you should want more outta life then that.

living with a girl whos about to have a baby, and 7 freakin cats, 2 dogs, a bunny, and probly a few birds i havnt found yet.

i dont know why i let her misfortune get to me.

i told her about how i am, and this is the actual me, not the front i show everyone a school, the real me.

im a dick, i dont care, i want to be successful and i want to live, i cant let other poeple drag me down or im gonna fail.

i told her she needed to care less about her nails/hair/fast food/gucchi handbags/and whatever lies 20 years in the future.

she needs to act now or she never will, and all she said was that she pitied me, and then she started crying, but i didnt feel bad, i felt really cold, and angry, but i was telling her the honest truth about how i felt, it was when she was sitting there crying that i almsot told her to just leave me alone.

dammit, shes like a bad trip.

you test the drug, you know its bad, but you want it so much you take it anyway.

i cant think straight. im crying. im sad. i dont want to leave her. i really dont want to hurt her. im so angry. i dont want to speak to her anymore. but i cant let her go off on her own. without me she wouldnt make it.

i told her to go live with her family in dallas, the ones she hates.

i said she was running out of options here. she just got mad that i woudl even suggest it.

am i justified in being so mad?

well that was about second most annoying thing in the world.

so a few weeks ago im talking to jaime. yes yes jaime i know for the few of you who still check on me every now and then im back with jaime. anyway, we were fighting because she said i wasnt being affectionate enough.

for those of you who read my last post, i just has surgery, i was on narcotics.

you try having sex with sleeping pills.

so im talking to her on the phone at school, before it started, and  i explain all this shit to her and says to me. "thats why i love you, your practical, your safe." and then it was like everything was ok, we had dinner a few times over the week and every thing was la-ti-da.

today i have an asston of work to do and i would be doin it but i needed somewhere to vent. she calls me see, casue i left my wallet at her house last night. well i go over there, to her place, and her roommate answers the door, my wallet isnt anywhere in sight and neither is jaime.

turns out shes in the shower. so i knock on the door and she calls me in, i open the door and there's candles sitting on the sink, the main light is off, and theres a condom sitting on the tiolet.

how romantic.

i ask her where my wallet is, she makes some vague sexual refrence about a full budy cavity search and i end up seeing it in the bathroom sittin on her clothes, so i pick it up, stow it and give her a kiss and tell her that i have to go to do all this work i should be doign right now.

she keeps tryin to pull me into the shower but i told her that  had to go and i went home, she gets online and leaves a not so subtle away message, "Pissed off beyond words."

what the fuck man, so i IM her and tell her that im sorry and that i really do have work, she says she knows but is still mad, and that she wishes i would make mroe moves and be more risky.

lets recap, two weeks ago, "your safe, you dont take risks, i like that." now "i want you to take more risks"

something is wrong.

i seriously think things are in danger between us, she keeps all this shit pet up inside of her until it just burts out at me, so its one extreme to another and well...

College doesnt care if my girlfriend is stressing me out.

girlfriends are supposed to be there for emotional support right? or i dont know, to help make your day better and have someone you can talk to right? well goddammit she works all the time and when i do get to see her its either sex, food, or sleep.

i need some feed back, i really am scared now.

                                                                                               -Dan-